Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 4:1-8

This passage is used in countless wedding ceremonies, both secular and Christian, but how often is it understood? Marriage was not designed to be a fair exchange, yet when our needs aren't being met by our spouse it is easy to give up on them. But God clearly lays out what love is, and set the ultimate example for us to follow. We are fulfilled when we reflect our maker. How often is he ignored, unappreciated, and neglected in relationship? Loving for the sake of the other person strengthens the concept of true love for us, making us feel more truly whole than we could be any other way.

God's will

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to live with his own wife* in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

*also translated as "control his own body"

Note that it does not say that it will be easy or even natural to live in a way that is holy and honorable, but that we must LEARN to do so. The purpose of marriage is to work out our issues and to learn to be Christlike, not to wake up every morning in some blissful state and skip through the day with someone that only makes us feel good by meeting our needs. Christ actually tells us the opposite; to serve the other and to sharpen each other (it can't feel "natural" to the blade to hit the stone). A comfortable life is not a life that brings us closer to God, our only source of true joy. How we sell ourselves short and disappoint our Maker by chasing after our own idea of happiness.

your rest

Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?
Selah

Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD will hear when I call to him.

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Selah

Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the LORD.

Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.

You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.

I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 4

follow your heart?

The world says to "follow your heart", but Scripture says:

The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. Genesis 6:5

and:

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8:5-17

(also read Romans 7:7-8:4)

If we do not model our character and behavior after the character and behavior of the one whose image we were created in, there is no reliable moral standard and we will never be content or free.

Psalm 19

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.

There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,

which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.

The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.

The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.

The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.

They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.

By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.

Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.

Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

how to survive

Psalm 4

Answer me when I call to you,

O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.

How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame?
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?
Selah

Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD will hear when I call to him.

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Selah

Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the LORD.

Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.

You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.

I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.

God's Law

God's law is not oppressive, it is freedom from oppression. Like the law of gravity; if we go against it we will suffer. We can find a way around it, but the only way to live in freedom is to live within its boundaries. God didn't make up some arbitrary rules to control us, he has been gracious enough to tell us what to avoid and what to embrace so that we can be complete. The law is the key to all of our heart's desires because it is the restoration of our purpose in unity to God. It is the way to satisfy God's longing for us, and our longing for fulfillment. It isn't rules to constrict us, it is the path our soul was meant to take.


Jesus said, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete..." John 15:9-11

The Law:

"You shall have no other gods before me.

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

"You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

"Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the LORD your God has commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor the alien within your gates, so that your manservant and maidservant may rest, as you do. Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the LORD your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day.

"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

"You shall not murder.

"You shall not commit adultery.

"You shall not steal.

"You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

"You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. You shall not set your desire on your neighbor's house or land, his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Deuteronomy 5:7-21

sermons

keep your burden light

The sin of another against you is not justification for your sin. Cling to God, seek peace and rebuke all bitterness that comes up in you (as constant, overwhelming and understandable as it seems). It will just add to your burden, and put a wedge between you and the God who wants to comfort you and use you within your circumstances. Your life is a ministry, even when it is in shambles.

You have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right before God. Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.

Acts 8:21-23

Intersession

Because we have been made one flesh, we can intercede for our spouse like no other. We can resist the devil on their behalf, and bring turth where there are lies. Bring light to the darkness. God's Word promises that satan will flee, and the stronghold will be broken.

...But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.
Joshua 24:15

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
James 4:7-8

My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
James 5:19-20

James 5:15-16

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.
If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

God's Covenant

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female', and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

The greatest, most holy and mysterious covenant that we can experience as humans is the bond of marriage. God created it as a living example of Christ's relationship to his Church. He weaves two into "one flesh" to spite our failings and the strength of our commitment. Even if we were to know what our vows would require of us before we made them, we would still be unable to forge that bond of our own will.

And just as we do not have the power to create that bond, we also cannot sever it. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and only he can decide when we can be released from our covenant.

You can still honor your vow before God, even if your spouse does not. And you are the only one who can pray on behalf of the one you vowed to love in sickness and in health, to resist the stronghold that has clouded their vision.

The purpose of marriage is holiness, and only in honoring God can you find happiness.